Yesterday I got a phone call from my mom as she was driving home from watching a young (teenage) family member play a tennis match. She had lost. When I asked my mom about it, she replied, “Her mom was so hard on her; it was hard to watch. I hope I wasn’t that hard on my children.” Then after a short pause, or perhaps because I did not answer, my mom added quietly, “I’m sure I was.”

My non-answer, gave her just that. And now as a parent I know I too am hard on my children. Perhaps I am more aware of it - and I try to back off. I also am blessed to be raising my children with “good” enough friends to tell me when I need to relax a bit.

I am also blessed with a different perspective than my mom was as a young parent. And that, is my mother’s true legacy. She raised a daughter who took the best of her and is able to forgive the rest. Each of us needs that in our life.

But let me take a step back and give credit where credit is due.

At any given talk or discussion, the relationship with my mother is one of the most-often mentioned storylines of What Though the Odds. It is something to which every mother and daughter can relate; and I have had 50-year-olds relate to my position as the daughter. Age does not define the relationship. It is complex. It does not end. It is unique and like no other. I have been praised for my honesty in writing about the conflict that existed between us. There was anger, there was sadness, and at times I was hard on my mom. Perhaps I learned that from her as well.

But I am who I am today because of her. Was she hard on me? You bet. But I am a better person because of it. I overcame unspeakable odds because of it. I am a more caring and thoughtful person because of it. And most importantly, I am a better wife and mother because of it.

Should I have answered, “Yes,” when she stated that she was hard on her children? No, I should have just said, Thank you.