Haley Scott DeMaria

Archive for January, 2015

TODAY

Today is the day that has defined my life in every way. We all have dates in our lives that do that – that catch our ear when we hear it, no matter what the context. To my children, today is “mom’s special day.”

I find today so fascinating and interesting in so many ways, but mainly because it comes along and just exists. (This morning it exists with a few teenagers in my house, as my oldest son turned 13 yesterday.) I look at both of my children and my husband, and I am happy. I think of the news in our community, and I feel blessed. I think of my teammates, my coaches and my family, and I know how lucky we are. I think of Colleen and Meghan, and I am grateful for their continued influence on my life. So today is a day of gratitude, reflection and honor.

But this week was brutal. I have often said that the worst thing about anniversaries is the anticipation. This wasn’t the case for the past few Januarys; but this week hit me hard. HARD. In ways I couldn’t have expected or projected. But I wanted to go away. I wanted to be alone. One day I didn’t get out of bed until 1pm, and only because school closed early and I had to pick up my children (I don’t think I have done that since college). I sat on conference calls and attended meetings, but I was on edge all week.

It culminated on Thursday. Perhaps because I knew on Friday, on James’s birthday, I would put him on a bus to go skiing with his friends. It was their middle school leadership ski trip – and I was so excited for him. What could be better than to spend your 13th birthday skiing with your friends? Seriously. It doesn’t get much better than that. I was psyched for him. Genuinely. In my mind and in my heart, I was thrilled for him.

And yet, my body responded differently. At times, I would burst into tears. Other times I would start shaking. They were physical responses I couldn’t control. I found this fascinating and frustrating at the same time. Because, again, in my heart and in my mind I was excited for James. And in my heart and in my mind I knew he would be okay. I actually wasn’t worried – at all – about his safety. It’s strange to have your mind and body be at odds.

As usual, relief came from an unexpected source: a friend who is put in your life at a time when you don’t know you need them. And then I was fine. I was happy yesterday to celebrate a cherished new teenager. And I am grateful this morning to connect with teammates and family and friends who have touched my life over the years. From Australia to Arizona to Annapolis, and everywhere in between, I am blessed.

Yesterday morning, I was at peace. James got on the bus and he drove away – and I was only shaking because it was 28 degrees outside and I had given him my parka…because he forgot to pack his. There were no tears; just a smile because this mom is still needed by her teenage son. I’ll take that blessing as long as it lasts.

God Bless ND Swimming & Diving, yesterday, today and forever.

  • 0 Comments
  • Filed under: Blog
  • HAPPY NEW YEAR!

    Happy New Year!

    I hope this post finds you well and happy during the first two weeks of January. I did not resolve this year to post weekly on my blog, nor did I resolve to become more social-media-saavy (my resolutions from 2013 and 2014), but I hope you’ll notice an increase in both during 2015.

    I woke up this morning and thought, “Well, since I haven’t done well with my resolutions so far, today is the beginning of the rest of the year!”

    I love this idea and try to live by it. I try to live by it; but I don’t always remember to cut myself some slack. Today is a new day; it’s a new week; it is the perfect time to start day-by-day to live my life the way I want to live it.

    The best way to do this is to forgive yourself for not living up to expectations yesterday, or for the past week, or for the past several months. Looking back does nothing to help us look forward.

    So today, I look forward with hope, and not at my Christmas decorations that I have yet to put away (but as another mom said yesterday at Sunday school, some people believe the Christmas season ends with Jesus’s baptism…so I have a bit of time).

    New Years and New Year’s Resolutions are not to make us feel badly for what we have not done. They are a milestone to remind us that every day is the start of the rest of the year.

    Here’s to a happy and healthy 2015! (And to more blogging!)

  • 2 Comments
  • Filed under: Blog